50+ Sarcastic but true quotes

Sarcastic but true quotes

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

Sorry for the mean,Awful accurate things I said..

  

When life knocks me down, instead of getting right back up.. I usually lay there and take a nap.

I lost my mind trying to understand yours..

Youre the reason this country has to put directions on Shampoo..

I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today..

Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures..

When i was young,i was afraid of the dark..now when i get my electric bill,i am afraid of the night.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do...

Sometimes i wish i were a nicer person but then i laugh and continue my day..

I fear no evil, the shadow is mine and so is the valley..

Never let an old flame burn you twice...

Whenever the brain and the heart fight it's always the liver that suffers..

People will usually hurt you in attempt to heal themselves..

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Don’t miss out on something that could be great just because it could also be difficult. 

Remember,if you can't say something nice..make it funny..

I do not get mad i get distant..

I like to make people who hate me..hate me even more.

Mirrors dont lie and lucky for you they dont laugh..

My sense of humor earns me countless uncomfortabble stares..

If It's the thought that counts then i should probably be in jail.

Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?

We are only as blind as we want to be...

It's amazing how much destruction one person can cause..

Don't let anyone rent a space in your head unless they're a good tenant..

Not all storms come to disrupt your life some come to clear your path..

You don't know me, you only know what i allow you to know.. 

Social media.. keeping people away from each other since 2006.

Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.

Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec..

I'm not unlucky at love.. Im just extremely good at being single..

Hey, people who don't drive ..exactly.. like I do. Get off the road..

My heart has no room for you, but the trunk of my car definitely does.

Clever as the Devil and twice as Pretty..

Some people are like clouds..when they disappear,it's a beautiful day..

I don't need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you..

Patience: What you have when there's too many witnesses.

When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed..

There’s a time to be a nice person and there’s a time to say enough is enough..

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children..

Nah, I don't miss you...I miss the person I thought you were.

They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that's not true for treating diarrhea.

If someone has a problem with you always remember, It's Their problem..

Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery..

I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

Haters would want to kill your dreams just because theirs fell asleep.

What you allow is what will continue..

I've got a good heart but this mouth..

There is no virtue in tolerating toxic behavior..

My alone time is sometimes for yours safety..

The fact there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

Let's see which emotional issues shall i bury under deep layers of sarcasm today..

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away...