Life moves fast, blink twice and you might miss something.
My life is someones else great adventure because they have none..
is working on relaxing; leave me alone.
Hi, Can I help you?" "No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi.
Cleaned. Yes, the house has been upgraded from 'embarrassing' to 'mildly embarrassing..
Any statement is made (more) humorous by adding the word "bit*h" at the end..
I was always told --If you have nothing NICE to say don't say anything at all.
Says since when did my "day off" become "the day to do housework"? I'd rather get paid.
You try to do something nice for a change, then ya ave it thrown back in ya face.
I'll grow up when you grow up. Oops, looks like we'll both be stuck here for a while.
OK, so let me get this straight, you want me to like you...but then you act like THAT?
Is asking what life will throw at us next?? and asking life not to bother answering that question.
Right before a three day weekend every ones excited...until Tuesday comes and bites you in the ass, kinda seems like a Monday to me.
Hates it when you are that close to your goal and someone has to turn your world upside down and mess it all up.
What's your dad's address? I wanna go kick their ass for not wearing a condom...seriously, what is it?
Are you talking to me? "NO I'm talking to the person in outer space.
Simply setting foot in a store and remembering all the amazing memories you had there with your one true best friend.
Your six and you have a cellphone? Who are you going to call, Dora?
when i die don't write "R.I.P" on my grave. . write "B.R.B"
Known you most my life, i know your games..you are the best manipulator, but its hard to fool me.
Do it today .. Tomorrow there may be a law against it
I didn't fall i attacked the floor but attacking the floor did hurt.
So today I decided to treat people the way they treat me. Some people should be very happy. Others should be VERY afraid.
If you think someones status is about you; you must be guilty..
I was at home and a police came to my door saying, that my dog attacked some man on a bike...So i was like uhhhh i don't think my dog has a bike..
You may think I'm retarded but your wrong. I'M SARCASTICALLY AWESOME..
Have you ever wanted to just slap the first person you talk to just to see what their reaction would be?
Don't let this body I'm wearing fool you. My "hot bod" is at the dry cleaners.
If i was arrested for something what would it be for?
Does anyone know where the "any" key is? My computer keeps saying "Press any key." UGH this is so frustrating! If you find the any key please tell me.
There will be a day when I'm not funny, good looking, sarcastic, and or annoying... It's called -The Day I Die-
I called u earlier and I got your voice mail saying to call u back later so,I did and I got the busy signal. Now who is more important than me?
I'm only $999,999 short of being a millionaire. If you're interested in helping this cause, just send me a money order. :)
As long as you have a strong back and take a lot of crap the end result will be used up...
If I say I don't like you as nothing, I mean it. If I love you, I'll say so.
Boy do I feel silly. I was driving down the two way street of friendship, when I realized all this time it was a one way street.
Hates when the people you love most judge you with stones from the past instead of love and encouragement for the future.
Oh hey, you here to buy a life? What took you so long?
OMG you need to post this as your status and in 5 Min's nothing will happen! I tried it and it really works..
If anyone tells you to be quiet, just know you're making their head hurt with your ideas..
Sarcasm is my specialty and I offer it to you at no extra charge..
Police sirens in background.. I didn't do it and you cant prove it.
You may be pretty, but I'm smart, and looks don't last forever.
I am the type of girl that will break out and dance in the middle of a grocery store to ringtones on my phone.
I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror.
I have already dealt with enough stupidity today. I do not have the time nor patience to deal with yours too. Please come back another day and try again.
The next time someone asks for advice, I'm charging a fee, so then when they don't listen, at least I'm compensated for my wasted time.
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