Latest Funny Whatsapp Status

I'm single by choice. Not MY choice. But it's still a choice.

Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too.

7 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.

I have a feeling I already know which direction my 'Get rich or die trying' lifestyle is headed.

When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.

Never let your friends feel lonely. Disturb them all the time.

I'm going to change my name to benefits. That way when you add me, it will say you are now friends with "benefits"

I wish I had Google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.

One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day.

"Don't make me regret this." things I think when accepting a friend request.

Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.

You can't make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.

Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1- I don't have iPhone. 2- I don't have a girlfriend.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who's free for the weekend.

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating.

Struggling to get your wife's attention?..  just sit down and look comfortable.

Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

The best way to let people remember you is to 'borrow money from them'

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.

When a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 more minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says the game has 5 minutes left. :D

If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It's the button on the left.

I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.

Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public.

I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.

Some people call me Mike, You can call me tonight.

I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.

Insult and wife are somewhat similar....They always look good...If it is not yours.

I'm Jealous of My Parents... I'll Never Have a Kid as Cool as Theirs!

I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say  Hey look ...that one's shaped like an idiot?

I love buying new things but I hate spending money.

Stop waiting for one Day. Today is the Day Bang-Bang

 

There’s always a person that you hate for no reason.

I didn't see anyone important yesterday, so I'll probably wear these same clothes today.

We all are born to die don’t feel more special than me.

The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.

I’m not arguing, I’m simply tried to explaining why I’m Right.

 Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.

You only live once - is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.

There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

I think the guy who invented ties was trying to commit suicide then he saw himself in the mirror & thought..Wait, this looks nice.

Sometimes Its just Me‬ and a Talking Tom.

Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to Speak.

I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat.

The reason good men are hard to find is because they're usually too busy working.